Warning: Whiny post ahead . . .
Now, it’s not unlike me to drop out of the blogosphere, unannounced, for indefinite periods of time. I realize that. But somewhere in the back of my head, I’m always concocting blog posts . . . that never get typed and published. But they’re there, honestly.
Summer is usually my time to recuperate from a long school year full of deadlines and obligations. A time when I can focus on catching up, having fun, and stocking up on relaxation. We’re a month into summer break, and I’m just not seeing that happen this year.
Not to sound like a Debbie-Downer . . . but so far, this summer has been full of obligations. Work. Visits to the orthodontist. Visits to the pediatrician. Visits to the allergist. Visits to the veterinarian. More work. Lots of stress. Even more worry. Lots of frustration.
Now, don’t get me wrong — there have been some nice highlights. Some lovely weekend afternoons spent poolside. Quality time spent with the family (both immediate and extended.) Even a solitary date night.
One thing that makes me smile every time I think about it is winning an amazing giveaway. The wonderful and talented Cathy Zielske chose MY name — out of 1100+ entries — to win a brand new engraved 8g iPod Nano and a Nike+iPod Sport Kit (courtesy of Cathy) and the book Run Like a Mother (courtesy of the authors, Dimity and Sarah.) My new orange nano (with the words “Start where you are” engraved on the back), the Nike+ sensor and I have started logging in miles together. I never thought I’d actually be a runner again (after a high school cross country team failure!!) but I’m enjoying it! It’s interesting to see what this 41 year old body is still capable of.
So, exercise has become my “Me” time. Which is good, because I need it. Because honestly, I’m feeling like an all-around failure at this point. I’m drowning in housework. I’m swamped on-the-job. I’m grumpy and impatient with my kids and husband. I worry about my personal life when I’m at work, and my work performance when I’m at home. I need a vacation to catch up on the things I’ve put off, and then I need another to relax and rejuvenate. As much as I’d love to blog about all of the sweet projects I’m doing with my kids, and how many awesome summer adventures we’re having — I just can’t, because they’re not happening. I’m drowning.
So, I’m giving myself permission to turn off my “mental blogging” and take a summer hiatus from this — another “To Do” on a list so long it requires multiple pads of paper. If the mood strikes, I may post again before the end of summer. But I’m okay with the fact that I may not. I’m thinking of taking an internet break altogether. It’s hard to read about everyone else’s adventures when I feel sad about not being able to provide my family with adventures of their own.
The next few weeks are full. Coming off of the 4th of July weekend, we’re now occupied with next weekend’s Dragon Boat Festival. Then Meghan’s Birthday. Then our anniversary. Then Reilly’s curling camp and football practices. Then Reilly’s birthday. And that’s all in July!! I’m working on planning an August vacation — a long weekend is just about all we can squeeze in at this point! I’m going to try to remind myself to enjoy these events rather than just get through them.
I apologize for the negative tone of this post. I generally like to keep things upbeat and positive . . . but I also want to be honest. This is where I’m at; the good, the bad & the ugly.
I hope you all have a wonderful and safe summer. Catch ya on the flipside!
oh friend…I’m sorry. I hope that you find a good rhythm for the summer that is just right for you! Congrats on winning! That is SO awesome!
my anti-spam word is “shine” and it kind of goes along with what i was planning to write here.
please take this advise knowing that i am not so good at following it myself, but when i actually have…oh does it change things! i think you’re absolutely right about “letting yourself off the hook” about blogging and now i say, do it with everything you can. stop thinking about the mile-long list of things you haven’t done…doing that sets yourself up to feel badly from the get go (and then how are you ever gonna enjoy right?). focus on what you are doing!!! let yourself enjoy the little stuff and then hopefully even when you’re stuck running to doctor’s appts (just came back from doing a run myself) maybe the car ride can be a fun moment with the kids. let yourself shine my friend and enjoy and relax. and enjoy that me time too!!!! ps i’m sending hugs too!
oh les!!! not sure what more i can add after reading heather’s inspiring words. and since “ditto” may not cut it …
please know … you are not alone. you are not alone. no matter the circumstance or situation, i think we’re all feeling it. and even if it seems there are others that are doing all kinds of fun activities and blogging about it. i guarantee you, they’re feeling it too.
allow yourself to meet yourself right where you’re at. one step in front of the other. not the should be’s and could be’s. because that right there my friend will for sure set you up to feel like a failure.
you’re an incredible friend, mother, wife, daughter, employee. you just let yourself feel that and give yourself a break, okay?!
love you, praying for you and sending hugs your way!
Hi Leslie! I totally understand how you are feeling….I’ve been feeling many of the same things. I agree with Heather & tracie – just let yourself off the hook, remember to breathe and insert little snippets of fun into the week… i read a post (can’t recall where for the life of me) about creating a home environment that is like a VACATION…I was inspired to think on this more – how to have a calm, peaceful, fun setting at home without needing to go somewhere else to relax. Anyway, just wanted to jump in and tell you to have a GREAT day and GREAT job on the running!!!
xoxo, J